The Cheating Game: Terms and Conditions



Ashley Madison


The picture above reminded me of how everything is for sale/everything is here to make a buck off.

I saw the interview with the couple who runs the site. For those who don’t know, Ashley Madison is a website for married partners who are choosing to have affairs. I guess it is better to legalize the cheating and facilitate the need to let some steam off. Talk about a financial windfall. The most hilarious thing about this was that in the interview of the couple who run the website, they say they have a monogamous relationship. What else are they gonna say? After all the image of wholesome entrepreneurs providing a service is more important to protect. A guy I knew who dealt weed back in the day said it this way: “to be taken seriously never get high on the shit you sell”.

But back to the clients who use Ashley Madison (and similar vehicles) for a second. People hear me talk about terms and conditions here all the time. And it is true. There are simply some people in relationships that based on the terms and conditions, there is no exit. Relationships are complicated. People always say: “you should just leave if you’re not happy”. Now, while ultimately that may be what needs to happen, but if kids, shared joint accounts and other things are tied into the picture make any exit complicated and messy most times.

That’s why for some people when you weigh out what you’re giving up for what you’re feeling, it doesn’t compute. I will never forget an episode of Unfaithful I saw when this guy who wanted to be a radio personality cheated on his wife with someone he met on the air. He actually openly walked out of his marriage to pursue his dream to feed his ego to be important. That lasted all of two months and he spent years repairing his marriage because his wife made the gutsy call to give him another chance.

For that reason alone, some people are too gun-shy because they know the grass isn’t greener on the other side. So what they will do is find a way to scratch the itch and not get caught. Behavioral scientists and relationship experts will tell you that human beings are creatures of habit. We seek life partners to settle into routines based on child rearing and sustainability. But as we settle into those routines, we change and grow as individuals over time and someone expect our partner to either stay the same or grow with us. Sometimes when we change our perceived growth cab clash with our long term investments in our relationship and family. That’s why divorce, while common, is still devastating on some levels…starting over for some seems nearly impossible based on what they put into the previous relationship.

That may be why some sacrifice their own desires to keep what they know. I mean, how many of us can handle this reality:

“no sins as long there’s permission, deception is the only felony, so never fuck no one without telling me.” Jay-Z & Kanye West – No Church In the Wild.

For some of us, we never bring it to our partner what we want, because the risks is too high, the fear is too great, and the itch is too selfish because we want it how we want it and for them to merely give it to us that way. There’s nothing in it for them to enjoy…and that’s where most of the resistance can lie.

Can you handle the terms and conditions you’ve come up with once you’ve crossed the line? Not everyone skates through is as easily as Heart will tell you below.



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