As I’m riding back on the last week on a day off, a conversation I had with Andrea popped back into my head that made me smile.
Back when I first met her, Andrea was as she likes to say “free, single and disengaged”. She was a tremendous flirt. What has made us great friends is that we instantly saw each other as kindred spirits and as such, I found those great feminine wiles to be harmless. Now, don’t, get me wrong, she is a smart, independent woman who knows how to get hers. But it was our conversation about flirting about three years back that still makes me shake my head to this day.
She goes: “even though I’m married, I still like to flirt from time to time…just to see if I still got it.”
Now some people reading that might say, this girl is asking for trouble. But having dated her husband for 8 years before marriage and being married for another 8, I’d say she does have a clue what she’s doing. Now, I can hear the penny section that says she is still young and their relationship is as well. You may be right, but here’s why I remember that conversation.
“Flirting never really leaves your system,” Andrea added. “The problem most people have is drawing the line.”
People still like to feel attractive and appealing, no matter how long they’ve been with their partner. You cannot blame them either, since this is a culture that is sexually driven and relationship busting is commonplace (marriages included). The pros are always on the prowl and can sense an opportunity at any point in time. Sometimes a healthy flirt is the boost one need during a shitty point. Perhaps one isn’t getting attention at home, or the job is just depressing. There’s nothing that gets those new rush hormones flowing like a good flirt, just as a reminder that they are still appealing. There are days when I’ve done it myself – had a good flirt with some girl on the street and went home and bent the lady of the house into all sorts of shapes and letters.
Where people, get into trouble is like Andrea says, they don’t know how to draw the line. If you’re not comfortable with your own, essence then you may send signals you don’t mean or the flirting may get to a point where you’re in too deep and all choices are painful. It is no joke when home wreckers or conquistadors are on the prowl as some a re good all they need is a perceived sense of unhappiness or weakness to reel one in hook, line and sinker.
Still, the real good ones often do what Andrea calls “bowing out gracefully”. That’s when you’ve hit your line and you need to call it quits. But, since it takes two to tango, you need to have the person know it’s over but to also leave in good terms. Often times people are too good at starting the flirtation but not know how to state that it was merely a tit-for-tat
So how do you do when to do that? Well, it takes knowing yourself – including your intent and limits – and reading the other person well first. Some people out there are playing for keeps and don’t take no for an answer too well. While it is not the easiest to weed those folks out, the wise would say…don’t do start it if you don’t know how to finish it. But hey, some us of like the thrill of thinking we’re always in control.
Well, have fun out there, and when in doubt, let the gambler’s words be your guide…