Looking for love: Square Peg Offers, Round Hole Wants

Ms. Andrea asks: “why people love force up demselves pon people so? If di sumaddy nuh want you, mek dem gwaan! Dem wasn’t meant for you den!”

Because people like to fit square pegs into round holes, trying to change the shape of things to what they want and how they chose to see it.

These days we live in a contemporary society that says if we have the means, we can and should access anything and everything we desire. Such wanting to access can spill over into many things, including how we pursue our love interests.

I’ve been reminded over and over that love isn’t the most rational thing around. Logic forcibly is given a backseat to the affairs of the heart. Sometimes in our pursuit of love, and more specifically our desires, we might find ourselves forcibly fitting or accepting situations that really do us no justice.

It’s always interesting to hear people talk about the affairs of the heart, especially from a male and a female’s perspective. If two people are talking, and one clearly lays out their position and what they can offer, shouldn’t the other be able to respond to in kind? Perhaps it is how the message is received that it what makes us compliant in situations that looks good on the outside but are rotten when in them.

For instance, a man lays it out – all he can offer is a casual relationship with no meaningful long-term commitment. Sex of course is on the table. Maybe the woman sees him as a nice guy with nice things and an established life – if I hang around him long enough, if I shower him with love sex and affection he may change. Perhaps she is a flashy woman who is used to getting things done, and he feels that if he can offer her resources by paying for the lifestyle she will love him in return.

Unfortunately there are people out there who are more in love with what you can do for them than who you are as a person.

Yet we are still willing to try to win those folks over. Maybe we are so arrogant in our pursuits to the point that we thing we can make the other person bend and change to fit our wills and desires. That could be way the clean up woman hangs out thinking that she can become the wife at some point. Perhaps that’s why he marries the party girl thinking that a quiet live with kids can rid her of her party ways. It could be that all we are really doing is suppressing who the person is and how they have chosen to express themselves. Such actions are akin to putting a cap over a volcano – sooner or later and devastating eruption will occur.

So what do you get when you fit a square peg in a round hole while making a love tent? Probably something that looks good to others but when adversity hits it, the covers get blown off revealing some ugly stuff the tent was covering. I guess shame and rejection and other negative feelings can deter us from seeing a situation for what it really is. As hard as it might be, it’s sometime best to walk away from something difficult before it gets messy. Part of doing that is learning how to clearly communicate why you are doing what you are doing. No one likes to be left twisting in the wind after all: proper closure helps us grow and keep things in the correct perspective.

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