The One That Got Away: Knocking on Forbidden Doors

One of the reasons why it’s hard to win back the heart of the one that got away is that depending on how the break up occurred, the baggage that was created can be tough to work through. There was a certain connection that as changed forever once the break process started. Just like the severing of a cord or a rock through a window pane, you can never really get things back exactly the way they were once those heated words get exchanged.

Still, some of us are connected to that one that got away, even after the relationship ended. That’s when things really sting. Maybe there is a child in the middle, or a business; maybe the finances are tied together – divorce does take a while to finalize an official split if there was a marriage. There are a number of ways we still may be entangled with that loved one when we’ve got one foot in the love bed and the other out the door.

Inevitably, the hardest part of still being in contact with that person is seeing them move on. Sometimes as much as you hate to admit it, there is a bit of jealousy that exists when you see them walking around with someone new. A jealous streak is no joke – especially when you were the one who kicked them to the curb in err. Some people have said “until he gets married, I still have a chance”; others believe as long as I’m in here life, I don’t care about who else she is with.”

There are some who even take the approach that “if I cannot have them, no one will” – that runs the gamut from making the person’s life miserable to manipulation to crimes of passion. Yes, that love can turn sour into jealousy and blinding anger really quick when the one that got away does reject you.

Still, it’s the smartest ones amidst the bravado that realize the biggest obstacle they have to overcome is the doubt in the mind of the other person. It is hard to rebuild trust and remove doubts in any relationship, especially if it was a sequel. Perhaps both people are in a place where they can put the pride aside and really see if this is worth another go around. Still the one thing the elders have taught me is to be genuine in affairs of the heart – because the damage the second go around can be longer lasting than in the first act.

However it can be done. It does require answering some very tough questions:

So how do you show true remorse? Where does the line of your own personal pride stop and the fear of being taken advantage of by the wronged party start? Is this really worth me putting in all the work for a mere chance to see if we can try to make it better this time?

Who knows. Make no mistake, as decadent as some of us can be, many of us don’t enjoy being hurt or having someone they love over a barrel due to an egregious misstep. One thing is for sure – if you can see how badly you both are hurt, then it’s a start to perhaps mending fences and removing doubt, no matter how things may turn out.


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