Looking For Love: Before You Settle…

Loud Mouth Lorna asks: “Ah wah mek some people frighten fi relationship so? Dem nuh memba seh if yuh lie dung wid dawg, yuh must ketch flea!?” 

The best way to be safe is to make sure you know the bed that you’re willing to lie in both inside and out.

The old dog and flea proverb above always had me in stitches as child whenever I heard an elder use it, until I got older and became more somber in my outlook and started to grasp its true meaning. We all deserve love and happiness, no matter what type of personality we have. There is always someone out there for everyone, and I am a firm believer in that saying as well. But, it is often how we go about looking for that someone that causes us to be in some difficult situations.

Ever had the friend who always had a new partner – changing faces like models do outfits in a fashion show? You know them pretty well, they are cool folks but it’s just like a parade of partners that would make anyone head’s spin? Yet all you hear when you talk to them all you hear is just emptiness or a lack of satisfaction? How about that cousin who is always with the same type – the ones that love to dominate and control? It’s the signs of some of those reasons playing out. Sometimes there are those among us how seemingly “settle for what they can get” and we chastise them. But are they really “settling”? By whose standards are they doing so anyways?

Some just want to be love; other was acceptance. Some seek financial independence; others seek a free ride from a willing meal ticket. Some grow lonely, and some just cannot stay alone for long. People often are in relationships for different reasons, and some get stuck in relationships for others. It really boils down to how one is able to view the situation.

Here’s why the regulars will stay “the man is stuck on talking about knowing what you want” – because it really helps you to see your situation clearly. Look, no one can ever see all sides of any relationship for the fact that their feelings are involved. Sometimes our feelings give us clarity and in other moments they obscure our judgment completely. It is really how we interpret and manage our feelings that will guide us through any relationship.

For example, take someone who is motivated by always being in a relationship. They like the security that comes with being with one person. They will often hop from relationship to relationship with almost no down time or time by themselves. They just enjoy being known as someone’s partner and that someone will shower them with attention, gifts and other things to make them feel wanted. They may even go as far having a child or committing to that person in a long term relationship, just to have those feelings constantly coming in. Now, is that a bad thing? Depends on the perspective you chose. But it becomes problematic if that person is doing that intentionally. If they know that’s what they want and are pursuing it, then well, they are sleeping in the bed they’ve made. If they keep just findings themselves in similar situations over and over again, it is something worth examining.

Sometimes you can get fleas that are not easily removed in the form of responsibilities and emotional baggage. It’s not about being over cautious but being merely realistic with yourself in terms of what you wants and needs are, and what you are willing to trade off. So it’s always good to read the fine print before to settle by signing on the dotted line.

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